Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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