She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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