That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
