Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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