new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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