I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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