dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
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