I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
