Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
