i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
