Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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