Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
