So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
