So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
