We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
