Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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