Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
