Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
