I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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