If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
