dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
