Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
