i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
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