worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
