he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
