12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
