She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
