there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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