Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize