Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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