I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
