I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
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Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
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