When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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