after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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