just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
