The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
