Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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