if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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