apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Randomize
