Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
