i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You were trust falling into bushes
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
