Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
