I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
