His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
