I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
where are my eyebrows?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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