i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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