She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
