jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
