I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Randomize
