Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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