he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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