I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
