I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
