Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
