So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I smell like Dick and happiness
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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