Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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