my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Randomize
