i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Randomize
