I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
