I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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