Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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