my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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