I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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