I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We need a shit load of segways right now
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
