I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
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please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
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Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?