I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children