dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
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I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
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Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.