I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks