"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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