And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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