there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
its liver damage thursday
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
