you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
