He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
