Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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