Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
