Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
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i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
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Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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