My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
