just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
