my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize