Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
