Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
