One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
