He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
