PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize