I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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