dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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