She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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