The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
