this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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