you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
