Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
